changes

So, many changes have occurred this summer. A good friend came back into my life and a best friend left ny life. That relationship was such an important one- almost vital to my existence that to not have it has been like mourning the death of someone close. The tragic loss of this relationship triggered the unimaginable- the extreme control that has always existed but but been resting deep below the surface for so long. I want to disappear- to shrink away and go unnoticed. I know how to do that. To blend. Work hard. Work harder. Hyper focus. Starve- no longer to n ebeautiful but for control an dto disappear. What will it be like? To lost again...